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I don't normally explain how a story came to be but I feel this one requires some kind of explanation.

While I listen to music all the time, especially while writing, I've only ever been inspired by a song twice before, one in CSI: Miami fandom (the one that got me started writing slash) and the other in X-men (it's my first ever fanfic and I really don't like it so it's not even posted here).

Then this one came to me back in September 2011.

I was fired from a job in June of that year and in August I got a part-time temp job.

As with most of my jobs since 2001, temp or perm, it was in an office and allowed me to wear headphones and listen to music. Unfortunately the computer I used was so scaled/locked down that Windows Media Player wouldn't update or rip the music from the CDs. This meant I had to manually change the CD whenever I wanted to listen to something different.

I was usually too busy to do that and would listen to a CD for the entire four hours I was there, changing it only on my next scheduled day to work.

This one day the CD was Kelly Clarkson's All I Ever Wanted.

I don't usually pay attention to the song lyrics when I'm busy, and this is one CD I'd only really ever listened to while sleeping. But for some reason on this particular day the words to Already Gone registered.

I immediately saw Rachel with a sad or resigned look on her face and just knew that a story of how she felt when she asked Danny for a divorce or while she was signing/had just signed the divorce papers.

Due to several stories with deadlines, I wasn't able to write anything for it, other than filling in the header info. Over time it evolved into the full story of Danny and Rachel. Still unable to do anything about it, it changed again.

This time I did write some of it down, while at my new full-time permanent job, mostly just to get a certain section out of my head. I'm not totally pleased with how it reads so I'll most likely never post it.

I'm only posting this in case I do so that people reading it will know that I don't dislike Rachel, despite that one section (you'll know it when you read it).

Like most fans, I did dislike Rachel until we met her, but that was because all we knew of her until then was how she kept stringing Danny along: first with moving Grace over five thousand miles from his family, then with threatening to revoke his visitation for the slightest thing. But once we met her it became obvious that she's just a mother doing what she thinks is best for her daughter considering how much she loves her father and given the nature of his job.

Do I agree with her threatening to take away Danny's visitation for something he had no control over (the shoot-out at the high school football game he took Grace to)? Absolutely not. Do I understand the thought process behind it? Completely. I would love to say I wouldn't do the same thing were I in her place, but I can't because I don't know how I'd react if my ex was a cop and couldn't guarantee that he'd come home at the end of the day (hell, even as a civilian no one can guarantee that).

For those that still don't like Rachel, and I'm not her biggest fan due to the way she lead Danny on with the affair and the baby and asking him to leave Hawaii and then asking him to take her to the hospital when she went into labor with another man's baby, just remember that other than that last one *points above* we've been seeing Rachel, and her actions, from Danny's POV and while he probably does still love her, she is his ex-wife, married to another man (one whose much better off financially than he is) moved his daughter (his whole world) not just to another state but to one so far away as to be practically another country and restricts his access to Grace on a whim (as far as he's concerned). Please keep in mind that he doesn't take into consideration the fact that she may be trying to protect Grace from the pain of losing a parent she deeply loves. Doesn't make what she does right, but parents tend to not think logically when it comes to protecting their children from any kind of pain.

So there, the ramblings of a mad fic writer.

Please don't call me a Rachel hater, especially if it's based on that one section.

If you hate the story, feel free to tell me, and why (even if it's just for that one section).

If you love it, please let me know as well.

Reviews, good and bad, make my day. In fact, I wish more people would review my stories if just to tell me what I'm doing works or not, and why if it doesn't. How can I learn and grow as a writer if I don't know?

Thanks for reading. Hope I didn't confuse anyone too much.

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January 2023

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