Fic: Because You Love Me 6/6 (Hawaii Five-0, Steve/Danny, NC-17)

[melissas_corner]

It takes a few days but eventually we all settle into a routine: Chin and Kono come over in the morning, usually in time for breakfast, so that Danny can take Grace to school. The Kamekona delivers lunch, after which Danny, Chin and Kono head to the office to use the computers there or to chase down a lead. Kamekona and I pick Grace up from school and help him sell his shrimp. Danny joins us for dinner, then we help Grace with her homework before taking her back to Rachel. The rest of the evening is spent watching TV and talking. I continue to write stuff down and usually just hand the notebook over to Danny once we're back home and let him guide the conversation around what I've written that day. When it's time for bed, we trade light kisses and caresses then snuggle down to sleep curled around each other, after he makes sure I take my pill, of course.

The twice daily sessions with Julie eventually decrease to once a day, then three times a week, the twice a week, then once a week and finally twice a month.

Danny and I begin seeing a couple's therapist when I leave the hospital and start out with the same number of sessions as I have with Julie. But instead of ending up only going twice a month, we stay at once a week. Mostly because of my intimacy issues and how I react when Danny 'rejects' me. Our therapist, Dave, gives us lots of homework: make time for just us where we talk about things we've never told anyone else, go on at least one date a month but try for once a week and the one we struggle with the most (or at least I do) absolutely no sexual contact. He stresses the no contact whatsoever by stating we're not even allowed to hug or kiss.

We don't manage that last one very often, Danny's a very physically affection type person and I'm slowly learning how to hear his 'I love you' in a simple touch. Most of our 'dates' end with us making out like teenagers on the couch. Most times we stop at second base but a few times we've gone to third. Once or twice we tried to round third but each time ended with me in tears with an impending panic attack that Danny was just barely able to pull me out of. But Dave seems more amused than upset that we broke his no sexual contact rule. Danny and I are confused by his reaction until he tells us, after two years of seeing him, that he knew we wouldn't be able to follow that one. That he uses it all the time with the romantic couples who come to see him. Said it helps rebuild the physical intimacy that has gotten lost for whatever reason.

Finally, two years after being reported killed in action, I begin letting Danny, and both therapists, know that I'm ready for us to have sex. Julie agrees, as does Dave. But Danny is still holding back. With Dave and Julie's help I don't take it personally. I know he just wants to be completely sure. Especially in light of those early attempts two years ago after I was released from the hospital.

Two days before New Year's and our third anniversary, I meet with Denning about my resuming my position as head of Five-oh. A year after my release, I went back to work part-time, I'd work in the morning, then spend the afternoon resting and with Grace.

"Afternoon, Commander," Denning greets me when I'm ushered into his office.

"Afternoon, Governor."

"You're looking well." He motions to the chairs in front of his desk and I lower myself into one.

"I am very well, thank you. In fact, that's what I want to talk to you about. Now that it's obvious I can work without being triggered, my doctors have released me back to full activities."

"Does Detective Williams know you're ready to take the lead again?"

"He does. He just doesn't know that I want to resume my job today. As in, as soon as I leave here."

"You have something from your doctors?" I hand him the envelope with the letters from both Julie and my PCP stating that I'm fit for duty. He reads it carefully before setting it down. "Are you being medicated?"

I shake my head. "I have prescriptions for sleeping pills and anti-anxiety but I only take them as needed."

He nods. "I'm very glad you're better, Commander. We may have our differences but you and your team do good work. And I appreciate what you do for the islands as well as the rest of the country. It was a sad day for us all when Detective Williams told me that you had been reported killed in action."

"Thank you for those kind words, Governor."

"Thank you for your service, Commander. Now go catch some bad guys and get them the hell off my island."

"Will do." With a nod, I leave his office with a spring in my step. I'm going back to work full-time and tonight I will finally convince Danny to make love with me.

"Hey, Boss!" Kono greets me the instant I step foot inside the double glass door of Five-oh. Hearing her call me that again has me laughing in relief. I hadn't realized how much I'd missed it. Guess Danny told her that I was seeing Denning today.

"Hey. Everything quiet here?"

"As quiet as it can be for a few days post Christmas and pre New Year's." She shrugs, flashing her dimple bearing grin. "So…?" She waggles her eyebrows.

"So…what?" I feign innocence. She purses her lips in annoyance, pulling yet another chuckle from deep within me. "I'm back full-time as of right now."

"Yay!" she squeals and throws her arms around my neck, squeezing tight. "We missed you."

I hug her back and open my mouth to respond but before I can, I'm interrupted by Danny striding across the bullpen with a look of mock jealousy on his face. "Hey, Kalakaua! Hands off my man!"

Kono jumps back, lips clamped tight to suppress a giggle. "Sorry, Boss," she whispers before bolting for the relative safety of the women's room.

"Traitor!" I hiss in her wake.

"Hey, Babe," Danny murmurs, stepping close and pulling me down for a quick peck on the lips.

"Hey." I settle my hands on the swell of his ass, loving that I can do so freely anywhere I want.

"So? What did Denning say?"

"That things were positively boring with you in charge," I say, earning a squeak of outrage from the man in my arms. Chuckling softly, I let him smack my arm, then pretend it hurt with a full on pout. He just rolls his eyes. "No, he said he's glad I'm better and that he appreciates what I do."

"Good. So you're back full-time tomorrow?"

"Nope. Right now."

"You sure about that?" A small flash of the old anger flares at the thought that he's still questioning me but I squash it quickly based on the gleam in his eyes.

"You won't say no?" He shakes his head. "Chin!" I bellow in the direction of his office.

"Yeah, Boss?" Chin comes jogging into the bullpen slightly confused. "Everything okay?"

"Just peachy. Danny and I are cutting out early. You're in charge until tomorrow."

He nods his understanding. "Call if you need us," Danny says while pushing me toward the door.

"As in, someone had better be dead and that someone had better be me or Kono?"

"You got it," Danny and I say in unison.

We pass Kono venturing out of the restroom on our way to the stairs, waving as we go. Our grins get bigger at the thoroughly confused look on her face. I glance back just before the bend that takes us out of sight of the doors and see the light go off in her head. She grins from ear to ear and gives me the thumbs up sign.

I slide behind the wheel of the Camaro and smile when Danny doesn’t even hesitate before settling into the passenger seat. With a twist of my wrist I start the car, put it in gear and pull smoothly out into traffic.

When we hit a straight stretch of mostly empty highway, I reach over and fondle him through his pants. "Steve…" He moans and presses my hand closer. "You're driving."

"I can multitask." I glance over to grin at him.

"Eyes on the road, please. I, for one, am really looking forward to finally rounding third base with you."

Keeping my hand wrapped around his throbbing hard on, I dutifully return my gaze to the road. Danny's hand is wrapped around my wrist, his fingers digging into the skin, clenching and unclenching in time with my pounding heart.

After I give him one particularly tight squeeze, which pulls a deep throated groan from him, he removes my hand from his lap but before I can even begin to complain he's demanding, "Pull over."

"What?" I chance a quick look at his profile. His eyes are narrowed and his jaw is clenched tight.

"Pull. The. Fuck. Over." He still has his hand around my wrist and he digs his nails even harder into the skin of my inner wrist with each word.

With a nod, I find a hidden spot and pull over, killing the engine. I have no idea what's wrong and I'm starting to worry just a little bit but he doesn't leave me in much suspense. As soon as I let go of the keys, he leans over the gear shift and reaches between my legs. I frown at the back of his head while he fumbles for something under the seat. When the seat barely moves back, he mumbles, "Freak" then reaches between me and the door. With his left hand pressing on the head rest, he pulls the lever that lowers the back of the seat. I open my mouth to question what's going on only to have him shut me up with a kiss that's all lips and teeth.

While recovering from that, he quickly undoes my fly and fishes my erection out of my pants. Air leaves my lungs on a quiet "Oh" when he swallows me whole and his intentions become crystal clear.

And that's my last coherent thought for several minutes as he does his level best to suck my brains out through my dick. While Danny is a damn near expert in the art of the blow job, this time there's too much of a rush for anything more than a quickie. Using everything he knows I like: his tongue, a lot of suction and a hint of teeth, he pulls my orgasm from me in no time at all. I shove one fist in my mouth as stars explode behind my eyes, won't do to get caught having sex in a public place when the ultimate goal is so fucking close.

"Dan-" Just that one syllable saps all the energy I have left, leaving me panting and blinking up at the ceiling of the car.

Eventually I become aware that his arm is moving rapidly back and forth. It takes longer than I care to admit for me to figure out that he's jacking off. Using my very last reserves of energy, I slap his hand away and take over. With absolutely no finesse whatsoever I bring him to a shuddering climax. He comes all over my hand with a soft grunt.

"Think you can manage to not molest me again before we get somewhere more appropriate than here?" How in the ever loving fuck is he able to talk? A grunt of my own is my answer. "Good enough," he mumbles into my shoulder, tiny tremors still tripping through his body. After another moment, he shifts off me and back into his seat, buckling up. "Anytime now, Army man." The usual retort of 'Navy, Daniel!' hovers on my lips but I'm still not recovered enough to engage him in a verbal battle.

Still thoroughly stunned at what we just did, and how many laws we just broke, I put my seat back into its proper positions and start the car. Putting it in gear, I calmly pull back out onto the road and continue on our way to the house.

At the first red light to stop us, I realize my pants are still undone. As nonchalantly as I can, I tuck myself back in and do up the fly. From the corner of my eye I see Danny do the same.

I don't live far from the office and most days I'm home before I know it. But today, however, isn't a usual day. The familiar drive seems to take forever. And so it is with a sigh of relief that I pull into the gravel drive that circles around behind the house.

I put the car in neutral, turn off the engine and open my door in almost one motion. When Danny opens his door, I stop him with my fist in the front of his shirt which I use to pull him over the center console and out my door.

"Neanderthal," he mutters but I hear it as the endearment it's meant to be.

Without stopping, and pulling him along behind me by my fistful of his shirt, I ask over my shoulder, "You want I should carry you?"

"Not a girl!"

At the door, I stop and turn so that he runs into me, helped by my continued grip on his shirt. "Just a suggestion because of your shorter legs."

"Open the goddamn door already." He crowds me against the door, pressing his renewed erection against my thigh. "Now, Steven."

After a bit of fumbling, I get the door open and we all but fall over the threshold. I manage to catch us and get us far enough inside that I can close the door so I can press him up against it, grinding my own erection against his hip. I bury my nose behind his left ear and lick and suck the skin there. He shivers deliciously when my teeth scrape against his flesh.

His hands are fisting my shirt at the shoulders and I'm not sure if he's pulling me closer or pushing me away. Until he says, "Steve" in the voice I recognize from Before. It's the voice that means he's calling a halt. It's the voice I've grown to hate.

"You said you wouldn't say no this time, Danny." I know my voice has a whine to it but goddammit there's only so many times he can lead me on like this before I decide I've had enough and leave.

"I'm not saying no, Steve. I swear."

"Then why stop?" I slip my hands between his ass and the wood of the door, squeezing and lifting just a bit.

"Because our first time should not - will not - be against the fucking front door!" His voice goes up an octave when my teeth discover his earlobe. "Steve!"

The urgency in his tone finally gets through to me and I pull back just far enough to step toward the couch. "Oh, hell to the fucking no!" He doesn't move an inch from where he's holding up the door. "We are not fucking for the first time on the couch, either. My daughter sits on that couch, Steven! In fact, we are never fucking on that couch."

"You want the bed?"

"Do I want…?" He narrows his eyes at me. "Yes, I want the fucking bed!"

"Shall I-" I begin only to have him cut me off with a growled, "I swear to God, Steven, if you ask if I want you to carry me, you will never get any. From anyone!" I just raise one eyebrow and continue as if he hadn't interrupted. "-lead the way?"

"Yes. Oh, my God, yes!" He pushes on my shoulders until I take the hint and turn toward the stairs.

I can feel him hot on my heels and take my time climbing the wooden treads. This has the intended benefit of him urging me on with his hands hot and broad against my back and muttering the few pidgin curses he's learned over the years. I just smirk to myself. Sometimes he's just too easy to rile up.

Once in the bedroom, time seems to slow down and our urgency disappears. I find myself wanting to take my time. And it appears he feels the same.

I turn to face him and he steps into my embrace, his arms going up around my neck so he can pull my head down for a kiss. We stand there for several minutes just kissing and holding each other. I feel like I've finally come home and it's a feeling I want to savor. Our kisses are soft, gentle, and just shy of being completely chaste. We have all the time in the world tonight so there's no need to rush. But I'm sure that'll change once we're naked.

We begin to undress each other as slowly as possible, kissing and touching each inch of skin as it's revealed. We keep coming back for more kisses being sure to keep them soft and gentle, to continue to express our love for each other rather than enflame our smoldering passion. We know that this time we'll get there. That this time there is nothing to stop us; nothing to get in the way.

Finally we're both naked and lying on the bed with him draped half over me. "I want you in me, Danny," I whisper against his shoulder.

"You sure, Steve?" I nod. "Okay." He rolls away to get the lube and a condom. "Steve…" he starts to say, taking up a position between my spread legs.

"I swear if you ask me one more time if I'm ready, I'm going to tie you to the bed and fuck myself on your dick."

He chuckles. "I love you, Asshole." He leans down and distracts me with deep searching kisses.

Over the past several months Danny has been introducing me to fingering. I was afraid I wouldn't like it but found to my delight that I do. He begins prepping me slowly. First one finger, then two and finally three. The magic number - three. He removes his fingers and begins to slowly enter me, pausing after every inch to allow me to adjust. Once fully inside, he stretches out on top of me, cupping my head in his hands.

Looking deep into my eyes, he asks, "You okay?"

I hold onto his sides, my fingers digging into the skin on either side of his spine and bend my knees to put my feet flat on the bed in preparation of meeting him thrust for thrust. After a couple of experimental squeezes of my muscles, I nod, swallowing thickly. "Oh, yeah. I'm better than okay."

Danny smiles lovingly down at me and then begins to move slowly, almost as if he's afraid moving too fast will have me panicking and demanding he stop. Even though I've told him repeatedly over the past months that I'm more than ready for this, his love for me is so great that he can't contemplate hurting me even a little.

I grip his back tighter, knowing I'm leaving bruises, a fact that thrills me. He reaches back with his left hand and tugs my right leg higher on his hip, his weight balanced on his right hand and his knees.

We stare into each other's eyes, our connection a near tangible thing between us. I've never made love with anyone before. Oh, sure I've said I have, said I was in love, but before Danny I never knew what that meant. He has opened my eyes to a whole world of things.

When I throw my head back after one particularly deep thrust, he releases his grip on my leg to lower himself to his elbows, a position that gives him better leverage to fuck me deeper, harder, better.

Our kisses are in perfect contrast to everything else. We're thrusting frantically against each other, doing our level best to become one but our kisses are soft, gentle almost chaste.

My heart is pounding, my breath coming in huge gasps. I feel like I do during a panic attack, except I don't feel panicked. Danny's breathing just as harshly and when I put one hand on his chest over his heart I can feel it racing. The look in his eyes tells me everything I need to know: this is it for the both of us. If I had never recovered enough for this he would have been okay with it. Because he loves me and sex is just one physical expression of that love. Danny has hundreds of ways of telling me he loves me. And I've finally learned how to hear them all.

Comments

[simplyn2deep]

Love that they were finally able to get to being physically intimate...that last expression of the love they fought 3 years for!

Excellent story and sequel!

[melissas_corner]

Glad you liked it.

[sexycazzy]

If only you could hear me yelling out 'finally' and pumping my fists up in the air!! :D

I have been following your series like a fangirl and am so pleased to see the slow pace during this time for Steve to cope with his PST etc.

And the ending was just right...and finally Steve came to realise that sex is not all that important, that there are other things to show how much they love each other...(but of course sex is a huge factor...but like Steve thought - just one physical expression of that love

Just lovely!

[melissas_corner]

Thank you so much for your kind words.

[rungirl60]

OMG!! What a beautiful ending. I love the slow transition to healing. I love all the hot sex in the car. But I especially love the very end, where they were making love and expressing love, their very deep and constant love that they have for each other.

[melissas_corner]

I'm glad you liked it.

[(Anonymous)]

I enjoyed your story, and especially the way you showed that they (Steve, mostly) learned so many things about loving, being loved, and communicating. Thanks for sharing, it was a great read! antivol (on lj)

[melissas_corner]

Thanks for reading. Glad you enjoyed it.

[irishjeeper]

lovely ending! Great series!

[ived]

This story (Before Your Love ) and its sequel (Because You Love Me) has captured me. So wonderfully written ...
My congratulations for doing an amazing job !
Happy New Year and I would like to read a new story of Steve and Danny written by you ! :)

[melissas_corner]

I hate to disappoint you but I'll be taking the next year to finish a story I've been working on since 2009. The person it's for has been more than patient with me and I feel I owe it to her to finally finish it.